Radio Calls
by Royal-Phoenix 7000
Summary: AU pre-S5 where Clarke's radio calls are heard, just by someone unexpected. Some Niytavia but eventually Clarktavia Clarke/Octavia
1. Chapter 1- Yeah, I Don't Like it Either

It had been 82 days since prymfire, and Octavia was sick of it. Sick of the bunker. Sick of the fighting. Even sick of her newfound position as bloodreina. And she hated the fighting pits. Their was rumors going around that she had found pleasure of watching troubled people kill each other. She didn't. She did it to uphold the law. They couldn't keep prisoners. They didn't have the resources, the space, or the food for rehabilitation. So killing the was next solution.

"Why can't we have them peacefully executed, like on the ark?" The former skikru had asked. Because grounders would have never gone along with that. Their would be coups. Their would be killing of innocent people. But with the fighting pit? It provided them with both the sense of justice, and made it seem less unfair if there was a hope for survival. The fighting pits mixed the grounder and ark ways of justice. Unfortunately, that didn't make it any easier to sentence people to death.

Octavia was pretty sure she was going to go crazy, once again, under the floor.

Octavia sighed. She stood out of her uncomfortable throne, and looked down upon the remaining fighter in the pit.

"Henry Bane. You succeeded in the fighting bit. You are pardoned of your crimes against Wonkru. Any further acts against wonkru will have you back here, and possibly not as lucky. Please return to your dorm." Bloodreina did not have to raise her voice to be heard. The bloodied man left the pit, steeping around dead bodies. Octavia continued to stare at corpses.

"Yo gonplie ste oden." She spoke softly.

"Yo gonplie ste oden." Everyone spoke as one. As wonkru.

Octavia signaled for people to leave, and excused her self silently. She slid down the hallways as fast as tears slid down her face, and into the room with the radio. She sat down and fiddled with the radio, hoping to hear as sign of life from her brother.

"This is the bunker, calling any survivors. I repeat, this is the bunker, calling any survivors," Octavia's voice broke, "Please, Bellamy."

Nothing. Octavia choked back a sob. "Bellamy, this O. Please be alive."

Nothing. "I love you, bell. Just, please give me sign."

Silence.

"Octavia?"

**A/N: Ooooh, who you think it is? Did Bellamy hear her calls? Or someone else? New chapters coming soon, and thx for reading! Please leave a comments, I love constructive criticism. Please no hate tho. If you don't like, don't read. **


	2. Chapter 2- I'll Tell You All About It

**Chapter 2- I'll tell You All about it **

_She sat down and fiddled with the radio, hoping to hear as sign of life from her brother. _

_"__This is the bunker, calling any survivors. I repeat, this is the bunker, calling any survivors," Octavia's voice broke, "Please, Bellamy." _

_Nothing. Octavia choked back a sob. "Bellamy, this O. Please be alive." _

_Nothing. "I love you, bell. Just, please give me sign."_

_Silence._

_"__Octavia?" _

—-

"Octavia?" Octavia fell her heart flutter and fill with sudden hope.

"Yeah, this Octavia Blake. Who is this?" _Bellamy, please Bellamy. _

"It's Clarke." [Miles away, a blondie grinned into her radio, and a tear slid down her face] Octavia felt slight disappointment, but her watery smile didn't waver.

"It's good to hear your voice Princess." Octavia choked out.

"Yours too."

Octavia couldn't hold back the question any longer. "Is Bell with you?"

Their was a heart-stopping moment of silence.

"Uhhhmmm…" Octavia felt her throat tightened. "Well, they made it into space." _[at least I hope so] _

Octavia let out a huge sigh of relief. _Thank god_. _They had made it into spa- wait. _"They? What do you mean 'They'? You're not with them?" She couldn't help the slight concern in her voice, although having no idea where it was coming from.

"Yeah… I sorta got left behind." Their was sad pause. "I'm on the ground, O." Octavia sucked in a breath.

"Bellamy left you behind?" Her hands gripped the radio tighter. "Bellamy, and Raven, and Monty… They left you behind?" She felt an odd sense of anger.

"No! I mean, yes. But it wasn't their fault. I swear. I told them to."

Octavia couldn't see a possible good reason for them to leave her behind. "Explain."

And so she did. Clarke explained how she had to climb the tower and reposition the panels. How the group had barely made it out in time, and that she told them to leave. How she had woken up in pile of ruble. How she had barely survived the desert, how the ground was probably still unsafe for people without night blood, how Polis had collapsed on the bunker. She skipped over the whole 'about to commit sucide thing' and talked about how she found the valley, met Madi, and had since then gained a tentative friendship. In return, Octavia told her about the coup, and the Jaha dying, and having to kill a hallway packed with people. She couldn't stop the few sobs she choked out, but for some reason continued to tell her about forcing people to fight to death as punishment for (usually) petty crimes. Clarke listened silently on the other end. Octavia had a sinking feeling she was mad, or disappointed with Octavia's decisions.

"Your mad. Aren't you? Disappointed in me." Octavia guessed softly. Their was a moment of silence.

"No." Octavia looked up in surprise. "I'm not mad, or disappointed. Sure, I wish it didn't have to be this way, and I don't think its right. But I understand. I really do. Leading is about making the hard decision. Leading is about everyone hating you. And I know your doing the best you can. I've been in that position. You're doing the best you can. And in your case, Its not your fault, O." Octavia sobbed quietly into her hands.

"Y- You really think so?"

"Yeah." [Clarke smiled sadly into the microphone. Sure, she and Octavia hadn't been on the best of terms pre-prymfire, but right now, she just wanted to pull the girl into big, comforting, hug.]

"You had no idea how much I needed to hear that." Octavia whispered.

"I do."

Octavia nodded, mostly to herself. It was nice to have somebody who understood. Who wasn't criticizing all her moves. They sat in silence for minute. Their was a knock on the door. Gaia entered.

"Bloodrenia." She paused, observing the scene. "Could you raise anyone?" She asked. Octavia had a split second of decision.

"No." She lied. "Not Bellamy, not anyone." Gaia frowned at her, watching the girl's idd expression, but shrugged it off. "Did you need me?" Octavia asked.

"Yeah. You're needed in the council chamber."

"Okay. Just give me minute."

"Bloodre-"

"Gaia, tell them I'll be their in a moment." Octavia's voice hardened.

"Yes Bloodreina. But don't take too long." Gaia left them room, shouting the door behind her. Octavia waited a moment before speaking into the radio again.

"Hey Clake?"

"Yeah?"

"I gotta go. Council meeting." She swallow thickly. "It was really nice talking to you."

"Yeah. It was nice" There was pause.

"Oh, and Clarke?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm glad your okay." Both girls had a flashback to their shared hug, back when life was… well not easier, but 'different'.

"You too." Clarke said softly. Both girls smiled.

"Talk again? Same time tomorrow, or sooner if possible."

"Yes. Of course."

"Bye."

"Bye." Octavia sighed. "And, Thank you so much." She whispered. She wasn't sure if Clarke heard her. [Clarke did.]

—

**A/N. So.. what do you think? You think with Clarke's help, it might be different this time? Thank you sooo much for reading ya'll. I will post new chapters as soon as possible. Please leave comments and suggestions! And If you don't like, don't read. **


	3. Chapter 3- Yeah We're a Mess

**Chapter 3- Yeah. We're a Mess. **

**A/N. Before we start, I have quick question. So, I'm obviously leading up to Clarke and Octavia in a relationship eventually. ****However, I was wondering if you guys would like some Niytavia (Niyla/Octavia) before the before Clarktavia happens. The upside is that you guys would get some Niytavia. The downside would be that their relationship would have to end eventually. Please answer in the comments!**** Also heads up, when something is in brackets [ ] that means its describing the person on the other side of the radio. And with italics its what their thinking. Okay thats enough blabbing on my end. Enjoy the chapter!**

**—**

It had been two weeks since Octavia and Clarke first talked. Since then they had only had time for two brief conversations. Octavia still hadn't told anyone she had gotten in contact with Clarke. She didn't know why she was hiding it. She told herself it was in worry people would try and leave the bunker when it was still not safe for people without Nightblood. She wasn't sure that was it though.

Octavia slid down into the chair next the radio, with a odd feeling in her gut that she didn't really understand. Was it just longing, to talk to someone who understood? Or worry that Clarke wouldn't pick up?

"Clarke, this Octavia." Silence. "Clarke?" Octavia sighed. She was probably busy. _She probably has better things to do than listen to you talk. _"Clarke?" No response. Octavia frowned and made to stand up. _I'll try again later. _She jumped in surprise when a voice came from the radio.

"Hello?" It was girl's voice, young from the sounds of it, and thick with grounder accent. _It must be the girl Clarke talked about. Madi. _

"Hey. This Octavia Blake. Are you Madi?"

"Sha." The girl had switched back into trideslang. "Klark's told ai hashta yu, Oktavia." (Clarke's told me about you.) Octavia grinned into the radio.

"Is Clarke there? Can I talk to her?" No response. Octavia tried again. "Is Klark Der? Na Ai Chich op her?"

"Sha." Their was a moment of silence. Then the voice on the radio switched.

"Octavia?" The brunette laughed in relief.

"Hey Clarke. How are you?" Their was a moment where all Octavia could hear was panting.

"Exhausted. I've just been sparing with Madi. And like, damn, that girl can fight well." Clarke panted. Octavia sniggered.

"Is Wanhead, the 'bringer of death' getting her ass kicked by a child?"

"Oh, shut up." Clarke's voice was amused though. "I'm teaching her some English though. She doesn't like using it, but she's picked it up faster than she's showing. She's a wild one. Ambitious though." Octavia couldn't help but giggle as she imagined Clarke running around, trying control a child.

"I'm sure your having fun with that." On the other end, Clarke snorted.

"Yeah. She reminds me of someone though."

"Who?" Octavia was oblivious.

"You." [Clarke smiled softly] Octavia was taken aback.

"Really? How?"

"Ambitious. Wild. Learning from a stranger." _Lincoln. _"She's great in the wild too. And fighting. Even looks like you." On a sadder note Clarke added, "She also hid under the floor. Her entire childhood, she hid in the spot in the floor from the nightblood scouts." Octavia felt her heart go out to the child. She knew the feeling.

"Yeah. I guess she does sound a bit like me." Octavia smiled sadly.

"Oh, and she's all about Peace between tribes. Just like you." Octavia snorted her mind jumping to the fighting pits.

"Yeah. Look how that turned out for me." Octavia voice changed. [Clarke sighed, regretting her words. She know what Octavia was talking about.

"O, stop that. I know what you're thinking thinking. You did everything right. You did what no one dared to to do, and fought for the entire human race. I, on the other hand… I was stupid. I tried to save just our people, and it was terrible. I could never show you how glad I am that I was stopped." Octavia agreed that what Clarke had done was wrong, but after becoming a leader, she understood the blonde girl's actions.

"Hey, remember what you said princess, being a leader is about making the hard decisions. And not everybody is going to agree or listen to you."

"Yeah, only I wish I had listened to You." [Clarke's eyes filled with tears] "There are so many times I should have listened to you. But I didn't."

"No, Clarke, I should have listen you sometimes. I was all about running around, fighting wars, and then telling people they should have done better. Should have made peace. Maybe I don't agree with all the things you did, but I don't agree with all the things I did either. You did the best you could. You were the only one who stepped forward and told people, with a reasonable voice, what to do." There was moment of silence, where both girls contemplated Octavia's words. [Clarke wiped tears from her face]

"Thank you, O. You know, for understanding."

"You did the same think for me. It's no problem. I really do understand now." Octavia felt her voice crack, and Clarke let out a strangled sob.

"When did we become, big, crying, heartfelt messes?" Clarke joked through her tears. Octavia snorted.

_When I gained a understanding friend. _But Octavia kept that thought to herself. "Yeah. We're mess." Their was a few moments of silence. Octavia broke it. "I should really get going though. Wouldn't want anyone to get suspicious." She made to stand up, but was stopped.

"Wait, O. We need to talk about that. When are you going to tell people? I assume you haven't, cause I haven't talked to my Mom yet." Clarke's words froze Octavia. She was filled with a sudden rush of guilt. _Oh, shit. Shiiiiit. Here I was, greedily enjoying having friend, and meanwhile Clarke probably wants to talk to her mom. _

"Shit. Clarke, I'm so freaking sorry. I completely forgot that you would want to talk to your mom. I'm a freaking idiot."

"No, it's okay O. Seriously. I understand." Octavia felt a small sense of relief. "But, I would like to talk to my mom. At least let her know I'm okay."

"Of course. Of course you can. And again, I'm so sorry." Octavia couldn't loose her new found friend. I would break her. And she felt terrible for not thinking of her.

"It's okay. And you don't have to tell anyone else. Just my mom. No one else." [Clarke didn't really know why she didn't want anyone one else to know yet. Maybe It was because she might have to talk to the council. Might have to have the responsibility of making decisions again. And she had to admit, she was scared. She wasn't ready for that again.]

"Okay. I'll bring Abby tomorrow. Same time. That okay with you?"

"Yeah, that works. Thank you Octavia."

"No problem. It was my fault in the first place. I won't tell anyone else though, for now."

"Fine by me. You should probably go now. So no one gets suspicious. I was great talking to you again."

"Yeah, you too. I don't kn-" _I don't know what I would do with out you. Was I really gonna say that? _"I'm glad we can talk." Octavia corrected herself.

"Me too. Talk to you tomorrow. Good luck with my mom."

"Thanks. Bye!" Octavia let go of the speaker, and sighed. _Time to go face the world again. At least the bunker. _She got up and left the room, still thinking about Clarke.

—

**A/N. Thanks for reading! What do you think? Oh, and what do you think about the possible Niytavia thing I mention at the top? Please feel free to leave your answer or any suggestions in the comments. **


	4. Chapter 4- Mama Griffin

**Chapter 4- Mama Griffin. And Those Annoying Things Called Emotions Are Back.**

Octavia shifted nervously in her seat, watching the clock. 15 more minutes, and it would be acceptable to leave the mess hall. Octavia couldn't help but imagine what she was going to say to Abby. _"So, I've sort a been talking to your daughter, whom you've been worrying is dead, for like two weeks, and have yet to tell you because all I was thinking about was myself." _Yeah, that was probably not the best way to phrase it.

15 minutes later, people had begun to file out the hall in pairs and groups, chatting quietly. Octavia stood and passed behind the older Griffin's chair.

"Abby. Walk with me." She said quietly, putting a hand on the woman's shoulder. Abby turned her head and furrowed her brow, but to Octavia's relief, did not protest. The two women left the hall silently, and waited till they were in an empty hallway to speak.

"I assume you needed to talk to me." Abby said curtly. Octavia nodded. She and Abby had gotten to know each other better in the last couple months, and yet their relationship was quiet strained. Octavia thought about what she was going to say carefully as they approached the radio room. Abby did not seem very surprised by where Octavia had led her to.

"I'm sure you know of my efforts to radio Bellamy and our friends-"

"Octavia, we've talked about this. It's expected that any radio transmission won't reach, especially with all the nuclear-"

"Abby. Just hear me out out." There was slightly desperate tone in her voice she couldn't get rid of. "Please." Abby criticized Octavia's expression carefully.

"Okay, fine."

"I promise you won't regret it." Abby didn't miss the smiled that slip across the young woman's face, before it was gone again. "So, I'd been trying to radio Bellamy for awhile. It wasn't working. I started changing up the frequencies a bit. And, it was just the other day," _totally not two weeks ago, _"That I came across something. Something I think you'll like." Abby had a feeling she knew where this was going, but shoved that thought down. She'd didn't want to find out she was wrong.

"Okay.." Abby said nervously. Octavia picked up the speaker, turning the radio on.

"Hey. It's me." She said, quietly. There was a moment of tense silence before a response.

"Hey, O. Is she there?" Clarke's voice was equally quiet.

"Yeah. I'm handing you over." Octavia handed the speaker to Abby with a encouraging smile. Abby took hold of it.

"Hey Mom. It's me. Clarke." Abby sucked in a breath, her eyes rapidly filling with tears, and her legs shook. She lowered herself into the chair.

"Clarke." She said softly. "Oh, Clarke." She covered her mouth, stopping a sob. [Far away, Clarke did the same] "You're alive. You're okay. You are okay, right?"

"Yeah. I'm okay. I'm good actually."

"Clarke I love you. I love you so much." Abby choked out. Octavia looked away awkwardly, feeling invasive of such a privet moment.

"I love you to mom." Abby smiled and cried softly.

"I'll give you two a moment. I'll be back." Octavia said awkwardly. Abby gave her quick nod, which was all the girl needed. She all but ran out of the room, closing the door softly behind her. Octavia swallowed thickly and slid onto the floor.

_Stop that. I know what your feeling. I know your feeling jealous, _Octavia told herself. _I know, I know. I'm trying not to. I shouldn't be jealous. That's terrible. _

_But you have every right to be. _Another part of whispered.

_No, no I don't. _

_Yeah you do. Clarke has a loving mom, always has. She's always been loved and respected. You haven't. You had to hide under the floor. You had to earn your respect. Clarke grew up with a loving father and mother. And friends._

_I had my mom. And Bellamy. _

_Yeah, and a dark hole in the floor. _Octavia squeezed her eyes shut and massaged her head. This was stupid. She shouldn't be jealous of any of the 100. Especially not Clarke.

_Clarke had it easy. _Octavia had had enough of these stupid thoughts.

_No. NO. Clarke never had it easy. She had to fight for respect. Lead a bunch of teenage criminals. Than lead a bunch of even stupider adults, who thought they new everything. She was expected to save everyone, when the very people who she was trying to save stood in her way. She was given impossible decisions, and was expected to make them when no when else did. She bore it so they didn't have to. _

_Clarke just told people what to do. Sure she made the hard decisions, but she never executed them. You were the warriors that had to go out and kill people for her. You were the ones that had to lose people you love. Like Lincoln. _

_That's not true. None of that's true. Clarke pulled the door closed on the drop ship. Clarke pull the switch in mount weather. Clarke made alliances with the the Commander._

_She made more than just alliances with the commander…_

_Clarke sacrificed so much. And she lost people too. Wells. Finn. Lexa. Her dad. _

_ENOUGH! _Octavia had had enough of this stupid internal battle. Both of them had been through so much. Pain isn't comparable because it's different for every person. Everyone had their own battles to fight. _Now get up off your stupid ass Octavia, and go do something. _

Octavia grumbled to herself and stood up, trying to slow her breathing. When she felt calm enough, she opened the door softly.

"Octavia." Abby said gently. Octavia gave her nod in acknowledgement. The older woman looked tired but happy. "Clarke told everything. How she survived, and how she found Madi and…" Abby smiled softly, tears slipping down her cheeks. Pushing away any feelings she had before, Octavia stepped forward and gently pulled her into a hug.

"She's safe. And in a couple years, the ground will be too. And we'll see her again." Octavia whispered. There was a moment peace, where Octavia just held Abby.

"Thank you, Octavia. Thank you so much." Octavia didn't know what to say, so she didn't say anything.

After a minute or so, they separated. Octavia looked at the radio.

"I suppose you want to talk to Clarke." Abby guessed.

"If you don't mind."

"Of course. Go ahead." Octavia smiled her thanks and picked up the speaker.

"Hey Clarke, its O."

"Hey." Clarke laughed gently. "Thank you O. For that. For everything."

"Its me who should be thanking you." Octavia whispered. There was moment of silence.

"Anyways, we need to talk to my mom about the whole, not telling people things." Clarke said. Octavia sighed. That was going to an awkward conversation.

"Right now?"

"Yes, right now."

"Fine." No point in delaying it. Octavia turned to Abby. "Abby, we need to talk. You and me and Clarke." Abby raised an eyebrow.

"Okay…"

"So, I sort of haven't told anyone besides you about being able to contact Clarke."

"Yeah, I figured."

"So.. Can we keep it that way?" Octavia asked, hoping to not have to go in depth about this decision. Abby analyzed her silently. It was sightly intimidating.

"Why do you want to keep it a secret?"

"Well, for one reason, I don't want people thinking the ground is safe, and trying to leave. They might even think we've been lying about having to stay in here for 5 years."

"And the other reason?" Abby quizzed her. Octavia chewed her lip nervously.

"Honestly, I don't really know." And that was honest. Abby nodded.

"I understand your worry about people trying to leave, but what if we just told the council? Clarke would be a great asset to the council."

"NO!" This time it was Clarke. Both Abby and Octavia spun to face the radio in surprise.

"Yes Clarke?"

"I- I mean, that's not what meant. Sort of." Clarke babbled.

"Then what did you mean?" [Clarke swallowed, her face going pink, and found herself glad for once, that they couldn't see her.]

"Uhhmmm… I just, I don't think I'm ready. To lead again. To make decisions…" No one said anything. Clarke rushed to explain herself. Sort of. "I mean, I'm really not liked by the grounders after what happened. I doubt they'll listen to anything I say. And they'll stop respecting you if you listen to me. You guys probably don't want another coup on your hands."

Abby nodded in agreement with Clarke's second statement. Octavia, however, didn't hear it. She was busy thinking about the first. All the feelings she had pushed aside earlier came rushing back to her, and Octavia felt her jaw tighten. She needed to get out of here. She needed to calm down. She needed to think. She needed to-

"Octavia. Octavia!"

"What?" She snapped, pulled out of her daze. Abby looked taken aback.

"So we decided? We're not telling anyone? Their's no reason to tell the civilians anyways, and I agree with what Clarke said about the council. Most of them are grounders. It'll probably do more harm the good. For now." Abby explained.

"Yeah, yeah. Keeping it a secret. Got it." Both Griffins where taken by surprise of Octavia's attitude, but let it go. "Speaking of which, we should probably get going, before anyone comes looking." Octavia added. Abby nodded.

"Yes." She turned to speak directly into the speaker for the radio. "I love you Clarke. I'm so glad.." She trailed of. Their was many things she was glad of right now.

"I know, mom. I love you too. Take care."

"I will. I love you so much. Promise me you'll stay safe."

"I promise I'll try. Talk to soon Mom. Love you."

"Love you too. We'll talk soon." Abby handed the speaker to Octavia with a nod, then left the room swiftly. Octavia was left awkwardly holding it.

"Thank you. For that. It was great talking to you again."

"Yeah. Bye." Octavia said stiffly. Before she could say anything else, Octavia turned the speaker off and left the room, trying very hard not to scream in frustration.

[On the other end, Clarke put down the speaker slowly. She had upset Octavia. She just knew it. Octavia was probably fuming. And Clarke wasn't exactly sure why.

"Did it go.. good?" Madi asked. Clarke furrowed her brow, for once ignoring Madi's inaccurate grammar.

"I think… I think I said something very stupid."]

—

**A/N- So, Octavia's being a bit of a sensitive asshole. It's not her fault though, she's going through a lot :{ What did you guys think? Please don't be afraid to give me any suggestions, I am trying to improve my writing. Also any suggestions on the Niytavia thing? I think I will, but I'm not completely sure. I can't stop planing it in my head though. Anyways, thanks for reading! **


	5. Chapter 5- Sorry, Not Sorry, Sorry

**Chapter 5- Sorry, Not Sorry, Sorry **

Octavia slammed her door closed and sunk onto her bunk, resting her face in her hands.

_Your overreacting Octavia. Pull yourself together. _

_But it's unfair. I know I shouldn't be this mad, but… I hate it. I hate that she gets to relax out their in her 'perfect little valley' while I'm turning into 'the tyrant under the floor'. I hate her._

_No, you don't. _

Octavia sighed. _No, I don't. But I'm mad. I'm so freaking mad. _

There was a knock on the door.

"Come in." Octavia said, sitting a little straighter. Niylah walked in.

"Octavia." Niylah greeted. Octavia couldn't help a small smile. Niylah was one of the few that still called her by her real name.

"Hey. You need something?"

"Yeah, sort of. You're supposed to be at the fighting pits. It's supposed to begin any minute now." Niylah said. _Shit. I forgot. _

"Great." _That's exactly what want to do right now. Go force people to kill each other. _Niylah's eyebrows rose.

"Are you okay? You seem upset." Niylah asked softly, crossing the room and sitting down next to Octavia. Octavia tried to muster up her usual, _'i'm fine_' but couldn't.

"I don't want to. Not right now. Not ever." Was all she could choke out. Niylah didn't have to ask to know what she was talking about.

"I know you don't. None of us to do. But we need you." Niylah slipped her hand into Octavia's and Octavia felt deja vu, remembering a similar time with Clarke. "You're people need you."

"Yeah. Sure. They need someone to kill them."

"They do." Niylah was serious. "Maybe they don't think they do, but do." Niylah stood, continuing to grasp Octavia's hand, and led her out of the room, towards the arena.

Octavia let her.

—

For the next three days, Octavia ignored the radio. She pushed Clarke to the back of her mind and went about her duties, Niylah becoming more common to be seen working at her side. When Abby asked, Octavia just said that she had already spoken to Clarke, and that Abby could have time to talk to Clarke alone. She hoped that Clarke wouldn't mention anything to her mother, and for a while, she didn't. It was the fourth day that that changed.

"Hi mom." Clarke greeted Abby over the Radio. "Is Octavia there?"

"No. Why? Should she be?" Abby was confused.

"I was just hoping…" Clarke trailed off.

"Hoping what?"

"That she would stop ignoring me." Clarke sighed.

"Ignoring you? She said she talked to you this morning."

"Yeah, well she lied. I haven't talked to Octavia since the day she first brought you."

"Why would she ignore you? Why would she lie?" Abby was even more confused. Clarke was pretty sure she knew why Octavia was upset, but for some reason didn't really want to talk about it with her mom.

"I don't know. She probably just decided I wasn't worth her time." Honestly Clarke wasn't completely sure that _wasn't_ the reason.

"Clarke I'm sure that's not-"

"Mom. Stop. It's okay. I don't care." Clarke lied. Abby frowned at the obvious lie.

"That's a lie and you know it. You do care. And so does Octavia. She seemed different durning the days she was contacting you. Happier in a way. I just didn't know it was you at the time." Abby explained. Clarke couldn't help and odd feeling in her gut. She had made Octavia happy? She wasn't sure how she felt about it. _But it makes me happy talk to her. _She admitted to herself. _Why, though? _

"I'll just give her time. When she wants to talk to me she will." Clarke said. Abby shook her head.

"No. I think Octavia will continue to push herself away, for whatever reason. It's hurting her too whether she knows it or not."

"No. Mom. No. Please don't, just leave her alone." Clarke pleaded, but Abby wouldn't take no for an answer.

"Too bad Clarke. I'll talk to you soon. Hopefully you'll talk to Octavia before that. Love you, Bye." Abby turned of the radio before Clarke could protest more.

[ "Love you too, mom." Clarke snorted. ]

—

Octavia frowned as Abby approached her, looking determine. _This can't be good. _

"Octavia. Surprised to find you here." Abby said. Octavia suppressed the urge to roll her eyes. The woman literally came here looking for her.

"Do you need something?" Octavia asked rather stiffly.

"Yeah. I was hoping I could talk to you." Her eyes darted to Niylah and Gaia, obviously wanting to talk alone.

"Fine. Walk with me." She turned to Niylah and Gaia. "You two are dismissed." They nodded, understanding their invitation to leave. Abby immediately started to walk somewhere, signaling for Octavia to follow. Once they where out of earshot of anyone, Abby spoke.

"Why are you ignoring Clarke?" _Shit. _

"What do you mean? I talked to her this mor-"

"Oh, cut the crap. She told me." _Damn it Clarke._

_"_That little snitch." Octavia grumbled. Abby had had it. She turned around and grabbed Octavia by the arm.

"What did you do?" Abby hissed. Octavia laughed coldly and unamused.

"What did I do? Their you go again, making me the bad guy. It couldn't possibly be your little princess, could it?" Octavia sneered. "Well guess what? It was."

"Fine. I don't care." Abby pulled Octavia by the arm, towards the room with the radio. "But what I do care, is that you talk it out with her." They where in front of the door.

"Oh, no you don't. This is none of your business. You can't just boss me around." Octavia jerked her arm out of Abby's hand.

"Watch me." Abby hissed. She grabbed Octavia again, forcing her towards the door.

"I swear to god, I'm going to throw you in the fighting pits Abby."

"Just stop this Octavia!" Abby threw her hands air. "Your hurting her, your hurting yourself. Don't argue with me, I know it's true. Now stop acting like a middle school drama queen and just talk to each other." She yelled. A moment of tense silence went by. Octavia sighed in defeat. As much as she would never admit it, Abby was right. She couldn't never talk to Clarke again.

"Screw you Griffin." Octavia snarled, although she wasn't really sure which one was that meant for. Probably both. She stormed inside and closed the door behind her, hoping Abby wouldn't follow her in. She didn't. Octavia jumped in surprise when a voice came over the radio.

"Hi Octavia."

"Your mom's an asshole Griffin."

"My day's been good, thanks for asking. How was your's?" Clarke's sarcasm cut into Octavia like a knife.

"Screw you Clarke." Octavia's words gained a moment of silence.

"Ca- can you just tell me why your so mad?" Clarke's voice cracked oddly.

"Why am I mad?! Why tf do think I'm mad Griffin?" Octavia's voice rose. "Because your a stupid, fucking, coward. Because your up their playing family, while I'm here having to force people to kill each other. And yet your the one refusing to help me because your worried people are going to dislike you!"

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Octavia. I should never had said that, your right, it was stupid. But you're acting like I wanted prymfire to happen."

"Sometimes I feel like you did!" Octavia yelled. "You get to go on a nice break, raise a daughter, have a valley to yourself."

"Octavia that's unfair, I never-"

"You didn't even try that hard to get into the bunker. You're probably glad we're all stuck down here. Are you happy that those rocks fell onto the door? Are you happy we're just going to die slowly down here why you live a life, _Wahnheda_?" Octavia snarled. Her words cracked the air like a whip.

"Ho- How dare you," Clarke's voice was a low, and deadly growl, "How fucking dare you. I nearly died! I was prepared to die when I when to fix the towers. I nearly died trying to open that bunker. And when I couldn't, when I _failed, _I nearly committed suicide. I had the gun at my hear, my knees on the ground-" Clarke's voice broke. She took in deep breathes, regaining her use of speech, and continued. "I was an idiot for be scared to help you. Your right, I don't deserve a break, especially not after everything I've done. But don't you dare say I didn't try. Don't you dare say I wanted this to happen. All I want is my people to be safe. For everyone to be safe. You of all people should know how that feels."

Octavia didn't know what to say. Her knees felt weak and she lowered herself into the nearby chair. She still felt anger, but now it was mixed with guilt and regret for some of the things that had spewed from her mouth.

"I do." She whisper to radio, "I know exactly how that feels."

They sat in silence for few minutes, both young women took deep breathes to clam themselves down, and thought about all the things that had been said.

"I'm sorry I was too weak and cowardly to want to help you. I will admit, I'm scared of having to make hard decisions and sacrifices again. I don't want to be that person again. But I should never force you to do this all by yourself. Nobody should have to bare that alone." Clarke's voice was soft and regretting. Octavia nodded, mostly to herself.

"Yeah. I'm sorry about that too. But I'm really sorry about some of the things I said today. I know you care, I know you tried, I know you've done everything you possibly could. I know you did you're best. I know that pretty much everything I accused you of is not true." Octavia admitted. [Clarke nodded, mostly to herself]

"Yeah. Some of it wasn't."

"So, we good or..?" Octavia asked awkwardly.

"Sort of." Clarke replied. _Sort of. What was I expecting? A hug, some tears, and perfect friendship? That was never going to happen. _

"Sort of." Octavia echoed back at her. "Oh, and Clarke?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm really glad you didn't… you know…" Octavia didn't have to finish the sentence to be understood.

"Yeah, I'm glad 'I didn't' too." Clarke replied grimly.

"So, bye."

"Bye."

_Well that went… I'm not really sure how that went. _Octavia sighed.

—

**A/N- Awkward… Poor O and C. They shouldn't be fighting. What did you think? I know I used a little more explicit language in this chapter but I thought it was fitting. However, If anyone is really against it I don't mid taking it down a few notches. On a completely different note…. IS ANYONE READY FOR THE SEASON 6 EPISODE 1 TONIGHT! (It's 12 am for me right now) I know I'm ready. Been waiting way to long… Can't wait any longer! **


	6. Chapter 6- Octavia Let Her

Chapter 6- Octavia Let Her

The next few weeks passed without much excitement. Octavia talked to Clarke twice, occasionally three times a week. She stepped back again and gave Abby more time to talk to her daughter alone. She still liked talking to Clarke, it was nice to get advice, or talk about her problems, or just try and forget about what was going on around her. However, it just wasn't the same as it had been in the beginning. So instead, Octavia had to find other things to do in between the radio, the fighting pit, and the council meetings. Most of these times became hanging out or sparing with Niylah, who she found more and more enjoyment spending time with. Indra was still wise and amazing, but was also more of a mentor or parental figure to her. You could only spend so much time getting advice. Gaia had also grown on the young leader, but she spent most of her time taking care of Eden when Octavia wasn't, which Octavia was very grateful for.

After a short while, she and Niylah became close friends. Octavia never had to keep up a persona around Niylah. She just told her whatever and acted however she wanted. In return, Niylah never expected much from her. That was all Octavia needed in a friend. Someone she could talk to without always feeling judged or pressured. She remembered how talking to Clarke had sometimes been like that. Sometimes. Then she pushed that thought to the back of her mind, especially as Niylah's arm came flying at her. Octavia ducked just in time, and used the moment of vulnerability and lack of cover Niylah had to wrestle her to the ground. She was onto of her, shoving her into the ground, face inches above. Obviously having won, Octavia stopped struggling and stared down at Niylah's face. Her eyes traced from her lips to her eyes, that were a beautiful yellow or hazel, surrounded by blue. It was like someone had poured gold over a layer of ice, or where sparkling sand met the sea.

"You going to get off of me, or do I need to tap out?" Niylah teased. Octavia felt heat rise to her face, burning through her skin with embarrassment.

"Oh. Sorry." She mumbled, rolling off of her friend. They lay next to each other for a while, staring at, but not really seeing, the dingy metal roof. It was like being trapped in a large tin can. Octavia didn't find this very different from many previous years in her life. Except this time, she made the rules. She decided who dies. She was the bad guy.

"Do you think I'm doing this all wrong?" Octavia suddenly spoke. She could feel Niylah roll onto her side, gazing at Octavia. Octavia continued to stare at the ceiling. She felt Niylah's fingers tracing the tattoo on her shoulder, and had to suppress a shudder.

"No." Niylah finally responded.

"Niylah don't lie. I've created something terrible." Octavia thought of the fighting pits and limited rations.

"I'm not lying." Niylah slipped her hand into Octavia's. Octavia felt herself panic slightly and blush, but then relaxed. "You've created something amazing O. You brought 13 waring clans into a enclosed bunker. You helped the entire human race survive, even when it had no beneficent for you. Even when everyone thought it impossible. You created Wonkru. You earned their respect."

"All I feel like I've earned is their fear." Octavia whispered.

"Sometimes, fear is respect. They're looking for a strong leader, someone too save them." Niylah said. Octavia rolled over to stare back at her.

"I'm not sure I can do that." Octavia said. All she could see was Niylah's soft features, inches away.

"I know you can." Niylah whispered back. Octavia could see her lips move, her eyes searching Octavia's. Suddenly they were moving closer, and her lips met Octavia's. Niylah kissed Octavia.

Octavia let her.

—

"Hello Clarke!" Octavia said brightly. She couldn't wipe the stupid goofy grin of off her face. Niylah was a good kisser. And an amazing person.

"Octavia? You sound like you're in a good mood." Clarke couldn't help but grin into the radio. She liked hearing the other girl happy. "Had a good morning?"

Octavia couldn't contain herself. "Oh, I had a good night!" She laughed.

Clarke snorted at her. "Who? Wait. Do I want to know who?"

"Just a friend. You know her."

"Ooooh. Her. Just tell me O." Clarke smirked.

"Why you gotta suck the fun out of everything Clarke?" This Octavia sounded more like the girl from the drop ship, who jumped into monster-infested rivers and chased butterflies. Not the girl who lost her grounder boyfriend, won fights to the death, and forced criminals to die by each other's hand. Clarke liked it.

"Who is it?" Clarke grinned.

"Fine. It's Niylah." Octavia grinned. Clarke's grin faded. She felt a sudden burst of jealousy, not like a monster clawing at her insides, but more like a balloon slowly deflating.

"Niylah huh?" Clake asked, trying to keep her voice normal.

"Yeah. She's such an amazing person. Always cares for everyone, wiling to look on the bright side but not in a unrealistic way, amazing like everything, amazing a being a doctor, amazing at fighting, amazing friend, amazing at kissing, amazing in b-"

"I know." Clarke snapped. Octavia paused for a moment. Then it dawned on her.

"Oh. Yeah. You guys used to be together, weren't you?"

"Yeah. Not for a very long time though…"

"Oh, Clarke I'm sorry. I completely forgot. Or I never knew. I'm sorry.."

"No, no its fine." Clarke assured, pushing her feelings aside. "It didn't really work out anyways. You two deserve to be happy. Really."

"You sure?" Octavia asked. She wasn't sure what she would do if Clarke wasn't. She wouldn't break up with Niylah. Not for Clarke. Right?

"Yeah. I'm sure. You two seem like you'd be good for each other anyways." Clarke said. Octavia smiled softly.

"Thank you."

"Sooooo… How did it happen?" Clarke asked teasingly. Octavia laughed and grinned again.

"Well, we were sparing and…."

The next couple hours passed with laughing and teasing and grinning. Octavia liked having a friend. She couldn't remember the last time she had felt so good. Not even on the ark had she have a true friend. For a couple hours, Clarke distracted her from the terror and violence outside the radio room.

Octavia let her.

—

**A/N: So, Octavia's having a good time finally. She deserves it. Sorry Clarktavia fans for all the Niytavia, but I promise it's coming. I just needed something to fill the void while I build up O and C's relationship, and I'm not totally opposed to Niytavia. What did you guys think? I tried to add more detail and description, at least in the begging part. Next Chapter should be coming soon, and I'll also be glad to hear any suggestions of ideas for future chapter. **


	7. Chapter 7- I'm Not Okay

**Chapter 7- I Know I'm Saying I'm Okay, but I'm Not**

**A/N: Before we start I just want to mention a couple trigger warnings. This chapter includes some abuse and violence, also minor depression, just a heads up. Hope this helps, and thanks for reading!**

**—**

Months went by, somehow taking forever and flying by at the same time. Octavia and Niylah's relationship strengthened. They started sharing a room. A bed. Outside the room, the bunker kept asking more and more of Octavia, stripping her of herself and replacing it with other people's pain. She slipped slowly into a state of constant depression. Octavia thought that spending time with Niylah would make it better. In some ways it did. However, in other ways it made it worse. Leaving her room every morning felt like being thrown back into hell everyday, and discovering you are the devil. It was like taking a sip of orange juice after brushing your teeth. It was like waking up every morning, knowing that you have another endless day of taking away people's freedom and forcing people to kill each other. It was. After a while Octavia found that even her blissful nights with Niylah couldn't distract her from the things she had done and had to do. She started losing sleep. Niylah worried about her. Octavia sometimes went a week or two without talking to Clarke. When Clarke asked she just said she was busy, or was spending time with Niylah. She told her she was fine. Clarke never believed her. Clarke started to worry about her too.

"Octavia, stop telling me your fine." Clarke demanded one day. Octavia sighed.

"But I am. I swear." She lied. Clarke's frown deepened.

"Octavia. Just talk to me." She pleaded. There was a pause.

"I don't want to." Octavia admitted. "You shouldn't have to bare my problems. My mistakes."

"But I want to." Clarke choked. Octavia looked at the radio in surprise and confusion. "I want to listen to your problems. I want to take that burden off of you. I want to distract you from the pain. I don't want you to go through what I have anymore. I want to help you. I want to save you O." The words came rushing out of Clarke's mouth. She was surprised by herself, but yet, she could feel the truth in her words.

"I wish you could," Octavia sighed, "but you can't. You can't save somebody from themselves Clarke." Clarke felt something melt inside her.

"I'm sorry." Clarke whispered. She wasn't exactly sure what she was sorry for. She was sorry for a lot of things. Octavia didn't know what to say, so she just nodded. Some how, even without seeing her, Clarke new. "I know how you feel. I wish I could help."

"I know you do," Octavia smiled weakly, "That's what I lo-… That's why I like talking to you." She paused and then admitted, "and you do. You do help me. You've helped me a lot since I've been down here."

"You sure you don't want to talk about it then?" Clarke offered. Octavia chewed her lip silently.

"Well, Niylah's been great. She alway has been. But the bunker… it's getting worse Clarke. People don't like the rations, everyone is on the edge, there is more fighting, more fights mean more fighting pits, taking care of Ethan is well… I don't want him to turn out like me. Half of the people love the fighting pit and the other half hate it. I hate it. And if we can't get that door open in five years, I don't think were gonna make it. Heck, I'm not sure we even gonna make it another year." Octavia's face was screwed in worry, but she did feel she sort of growing hope talking to Clarke about it.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

A month had passed, and despite the bunker situation not getting any better, Octavia felt a little better. Talking to Clarke helped. They no longer just sat and tried to comfort each other. Octavia started bringing problems like what to do if they started to run out of food, or couldn't get the door open, to the table, or rather, the radio. They discussed solutions and other options for hours. It was like having a less judge-y council. A council were she could say exactly what she thought.

"Maybe I could design something to help pull ruble from the door. It would take a couple years, but hey, we have four." Clarke suggested. Octavia frowned.

"Clarke, I don't like that idea. There's no food or water in Polis. The entire tower is on top of this door. It's too dangerous."

"I could pack food and water. Do it in many trips. I would have to leave Madi behind though, there's no way I'm risking bringing her to polis. It's too risky."

"It's too risky for you too. And from what I've heard about her, Madi doesn't seem like the type to let you go without her." Octavia pointed out. Clarke sighed in defeat.

"Yeah. You're right. But I'm not letting you die down there. I'm going to figure something out." Clarke promised. Octavia was about to tell Clarke not to do something stupid, when the door busrt open. Octavia spun around. It was a panicked and exhausted looking Jackson.

"Jackson?" Octavia saw the look on his face. "What happened."

"It's Niylah. She's hurt. She's with Abby now." He panted. Octavia felt her gut twist in worry, and stood, not bothering to turn the radio off.

"What happened?" Octavia asked. Jackson grimaced.

"She was beat up. Pretty badly. I'm not sure who did it yet." He told her. Octavia felt her whole body fill with anger she hadn't felt in ages. How dare someone hurt Niylah.

"Can I see her?" Octavia growled. Jackson nodded.

"Yes. I think so. Soon, at least. Come with me." Octavia didn't hesitate for a second. She and Jackson sped off to the infirmary, leaving Clarke worried and confused.

—

Octavia paced back and forth in front of the door to the infirmary. Abby had asked her to wait outside while she and Jackson worked.

"Oktevia. Stop. Take a deep breath." Indra instructed. Octavia glared at her but obeyed, closing her eyes and taking deep, calming breaths. She tried to think. Should she go back and tell Clarke what happened? Should she try and find the people who did this? No, that would have to wait till she saw Niylah. She didn't even know what the perps looked like. No one else had seen what happened. Octavia sighed and slid onto the ground, back against the wall. All she could do was wait.

"She'll be okay." Gaia said. Octavia new it was an attempt at reassurance, but to her it sounded like a question. She didn't respond. They sat in a tense and worried silence, waiting.

About an hour later, the door swung open. Abby stood in doorway, gloved hands covered in blood.

"Is she…?" Octavia trailed off. The question hung in the air.

"She stable." Abby announced. Octavia let out a breath she didn't she had been holding, and practically melted into the ground. _Thank, fucking, god. _

"Can I talk to her?" Octavia asked.

"You can see her, but she's asleep right now on heavy sedatives." Octavia nodded and rushed into the room, without bothering to reply.

Niylah was not is good shape. She was bloodied and bruised, had broken several ribs and had a concussion. Thankfully, Abby and Jackson had been able to stop any internal bleeding. Her body was curled under a thin blanket, slightly shivering. Octavia felt all the built up anger for the perps melt away, replaced with worry and sadness. Niylah didn't deserve this. Octavia slid onto the chair next to her girlfriend, and slipped her hand into hers. It was cold and clammy. She stayed with her all night, refusing to move or eat. Eventually she fell asleep, still grasping Niylah's hand. She awoke in the middle of the night to Niylah squeezing her hand painfully tight.

"Niylah? You awake?" She whispered. Niylah let out a sound much like a whimper.

"Octavia." She croaked. "Water." Octavia grabbed a bottle of water sitting on a nearby table and poured it gently down Niylah's throat. "More." Niylah pleaded.

"No. Slowly. You can have more in a minute." Octavia said softly. She ran her fingers through Niylah's hair gently. "You're gonna be okay, I promise, you're gonna be okay." She wasn't sure if she was trying to reassure Niylah or herself. Maybe both. Niylah nodded.

"ahhh.." She hissed in pain.

"Is there anything I can do? Are you in too much pain? Do you want me to get Abby?" Octavia gushed. Niylah shook her head.

"No. I am okay. More water." She said hoarsely. Octavia nodded and poured another sip down her throat.

"How did this happen?" She asked.

"They came from behind at first. Hit me over the head. Then continued from there." She grimaced. Octavia felt hot, bubbling anger. "I got a few good kicks and punches in though." She said with a weak smile.

"Who? Did you recognize them?" Who would attack Niylah unprovoked?

"I do not know them. There where three. They were big, too. At least one was prior Azgeda. I think the other two were Sangedakru or Trishanakru." She said. Octavia's frown deepened.

"Do you know why they attacked you? Did they say anything?" Niylah sighed softly and avoided Octavia's eyes.

"Yes. They did." She looked away from Octavia. "They said, 'Bloodreina will fall, and all those she cares about with her.' And that there was nothing we could do to stop it. It was a hate crime. And a threat." She admitted. Fury, hot, seething fury griped at Octavia. Her hands trembled with rage. She wanted to smash something. She wanted smash _someone. _How dare they attack her girlfriend. How dare they attack her girlfriend as a threat to _her. _Octavia stared at the beaten woman lying before her. That was _her fault. _Guilt and rage collided, and all that came out was a choked sob.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Octavia sobbed, grasping to Niylah's hand. Niylah shook her head.

"This was not your fault Octavia. You did not start this and there is nothing you could have done to stop it." She told her. Octavia wiped her eyes. She let the rage wash over her. It was easier to feel than guilt. She stood up. She was going to find them, and she was going to make them _pay. _

"Octavia? What are you going to do?" Niylah asked. Octavia didn't say anything. She didn't have to. She drew her sword and made for the door.

"Wait." Niylah said. Octavia turned to look back at her. "Stay with me? Tonight? Please?" She begged softly. Octavia's fury subsided. She deflated softly.

"Of course. Of course I will." Octavia sheathed her sword and stepped back to Niylah's bedside. "I will stay with you for as long as you like." She promised.

—

**A/N: Lots of Niytavia love! Sorry! I should probably update the summary. Also sorry that the entire begging of the is chapter was kind of slow, I didn't really know where I was going at first. Hope you liked the rest though! What do you think Octavia's gonna do? Also the dark year should be coming sometime soon… Please leave a review, they help so much. Thanks for reading! Hopefully next chapter will be out soon but HW might get in the way of that. **


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